Lardvark

We have all experienced a little pain at the pump lately. And unless you take public transportation or you are one of those Prius queers, you have dumped a lot of cash in the tank this year. Some people have resorted to scaling back on their unnecessary expenses by doing such things as not going to the movies or not ordering out for pizza. Well fuck that!

No, that doesn’t even cover it.

DOUBLE FUCK THAT! I’m not giving up my pizza for any goddamn thing! You can shove that idea straight up your ass, pull it out your mouth, and feed it to an alligator! I’m not cutting back for anything!

So I’ve compiled a few gas-saving techniques that might help out the average Joe.

The Ol’ Drive Off. This one is a classic, and it’s simple. Just go to a gas station that doesn’t make you pre-pay ( their aren’t many left), fill up your tank, and fuckin’ drive the fuck out of there! Don’t speed off or act suspicious. Just drive away like that gas was yours to begin with! But don’t get caught. In Ohio you get your license suspended for doing some shit like that. Then you’ll be saving a lot of money on gas.

Siphon Got some free time? Are you sneaky? Then you are ready to do some siphoning! You will need an empty gas can, a hose, and a vehicle located in a dimly lit area without a locked gas cap. I suggest finding a truck. They have much bigger tanks and you are more likely to fill up your can in just one visit. Siphon out what you need and be sure to replace the gas cap and close the access door. You don’t want anyone to get suspicious.

I hope this helps.