Lardvark

Don’t believe everything you read on Wikipedia. For example, the Wikipedia page dedicated to our good friend, the Goiter, is full of bullshit. Now I’m not a doctor, but I do know a lot about doctoring; I have never missed an episode of House. I think that qualifies me to answer medical questions.

Goiters are God’s way of saying “You are all done having sex”. The mainstream media would have you believe that goiters are most commonly caused by a lack of Iodine in your diet. If you believe that, you probably believe in unicorns.

So just what is inside that wonderful goiter? ‘Scientists’ and ‘Real’ doctors will insist that your goit’ contains tissue and bodily fluid. WRONG! Most goiters contain one or more of the following:

• A kitten.
• 15 gold medallions.
• Your Grandpa.

See? Now don’t you feel stupid? You should.

How does one remove a goiter? There are so-called ‘medical procedures’ that claim to work. They even say that it’s safe. Do you really trust someone cutting you open with a KNIFE!? Yeah, right! The only method that works: Voodoo. Just a little black magic and your eternal soul will buy yourself a de-goitering.

Disclaimer: Never question me.